It’s been a while since I’ve had the time or inclination to write, but today, as a wintery mix falls and my car sits idle in the driveway with its check engine light on, again, it feels like a need.
The haste with which Christmas came and went felt cruel. Though it happens every year, it seemed particularly thus this time.
The hopes and fears of all the years: they are a weight I can’t shake, a long list of assaults that sap my faith.
Frequent injuries that linger long. Brain fog. Mice in the walls. A Judas car. Loneliness. The pounds that creep back on.
The very socks I pull on this morning. His socks, the one who left too soon, who loved this season, his family, life itself.
The elastic crackles as I pull, and I realize there are some things that just go, no matter how hard you want to hold them tight.
Maybe I need to look up, not down.
There was another list I started to keep this season, inspired by something I read on the Bible app earlier this month. Apparently, there are more than 700 different names for Christ in the Bible, and author Robert Morgan writes that “each one meets the various needs in our own lives… (and) discloses the many layers of his relationship with us.”
I start to count.
Compassionate One. Fuller’s Soap. Redeemer.
Every morning, as I sit at desk, I journal names.
Promise Keeper. My Delight. Lord of Power.
I circle the number, every day.
My Shepherd, 29. The Lord My Banner, 51. Commander of the Angel Armies, 105.
As I count, two birthdays arrive, my own and the newest little.
Everlasting Father. Bridegroom. Master. King.
In less than a month, when Christmas finally arrives, I’ve hit 383.
Alpha. Omega. Lion. Lamb.
Look up!
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
That hip, those mice, your son.
Why do you complain, O daughter? Why do you say, “My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God”?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. (Isaiah 40:27-28)
He is your Strength, your Champion, your Great Reward.
Faithful One. Rock. Abba Daddy.
Always close, always listening, my very breath. Immanuel. God with Us. Never Leaver or Forsaker. Life itself.
I can’t stop counting, and neither will You, Meeter of My Every Need.
Thank you for all the ways that You are You.
Hope of the Ends of the Earth.
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